Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize