I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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