I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
