watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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