I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it glows. i had to have it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize