everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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