I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
