once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
