so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
time to smoke my breakfast
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
