Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
