clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize