She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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