I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
