My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
