i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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