there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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