the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
