Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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