I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
