Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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