I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
