so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
