Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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