Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
