Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
