The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
