By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
