wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize