i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
