i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
