I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
