You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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