I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
