she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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