By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
