This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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