His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
