I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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