addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
