This girl is more easily done than said...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im part way to drunk.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
