I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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