idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
