Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
