I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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