JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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