i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
