You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
