just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
