First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
