I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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