Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
