Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
