Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
