If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
