I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
