I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we made out on top of his cat.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
