Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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