I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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