My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
