Got a toothbrush?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize