bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
