hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
