But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize