Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
